..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
