i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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