It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
