btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
