but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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