the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
