oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
