I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
