I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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