He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
