i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
