i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
