I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
