Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
