No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
