just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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