how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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