I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
