the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
