Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
