those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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