The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All I want is dick and wine.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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