I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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