remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
