Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
