can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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