My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
