My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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