Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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