The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
