"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
