I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
