I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My ass is underappreciated
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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