I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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