I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
