I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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