Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
