I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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