I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
