he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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