It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
