woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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