You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
