you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
