Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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