Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Randomize
