in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
