I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
