I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
