you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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