I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
