there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I know her cup size but not her name....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
